FEARLESS WRITING

I was searching for inspiration for something to write today and I stumbled upon this little gem.

Below, you’ll find an entry from my private journal, and although the circumstances are slightly different now, the core ideas within it are as relevant as ever. I wrote this just after I quit a job that I left my original job for.

This post has reminded me of the therapeutic effect that writing has on me. Not only that, but I can see that my best stuff comes out when I’m writing without fear.

The number one cause of shitty writing is fear.

So many people, myself included, are too scared to write exactly how they feel because of the fear that what they create will be silently critiqued and judged. It takes a certain type of person to put out truly authentic emotions without regard, and not many people are willing to do this because being vulnerable has a way of making you feel weak.

Fuck that. 

Being vulnerable releases weak energy and frees your mind to begin the process of becoming strong. Being vulnerable takes courage and bravery–two characteristics that are the complete opposite of weakness.

Sharing this post is my first step towards creating more authentic work.

The passion and energy that I felt when re-reading this was real as fuck and I’m glad I took the time back then to capture the frustration and anger that I had.

This is unedited and raw, but I want to create more work like this in the future.

Enjoy.


THE ONE THOUSAND WORD PEP TALK

Just do it. Just shut the fuck up and write.

Quit thinking about whether or not it’s going to be good. Quit worrying about style or spelling. Just sit here and write a thousand words.

What does it mean to be a man? Personally, I’m extremely dissatisfied with how my life has turned out right now. I feel like I’ve wasted the past 7 years of my life chasing dreams that never came to fruition.

It’s incredibly difficult for me to even sit down and write in the same caliber of what my writing used to be. To top it all off, I’ve found an amazing woman to be my girlfriend. She’s incredible beyond words. I could sit here and type ten thousand words about how much I love her, and it wouldn’t come close to how she makes me feel.

You know what’s terrible about that? It makes me feel unworthy of her. I’m sick and tired of “wishing” that I was well off and situated with a great plan on how to live my life, or how to become successful, or how to be a man worthy of the kind of love that she’s giving me.

I feel like she’s embarrassed by my lack of accomplishments. She probably isn’t, but if she is, I don’t blame her. I’ve done plenty of things in the past, and a ton of people have complimented me on my potential, but what do I have to show for it?

Nothing.

  • With my fitness, everything has fallen off the ball. There goes three years of my life.
  • With my writing, everything has fallen off the ball, there goes another three years of my life.

I’m so angry with myself that with every attempted endeavor, I’ve fallen short of fucking closing the deal. I’ve fallen short of gaining some kind of tangible result. When I did get some kind of tangible result, I’ve let it all fall off the fucking ball, and now I feel as if I’m left with nothing.

It’s depressing to write like this, or to expunge this type of negative prose, but fuck it. This is what’s on my mind, and I haven’t written shit for the past few months.

A lot of what I’ve been doing lately has been escaping. I quit my job yesterday because I noticed how I found myself escaping into it to make excuses for myself to not pursue my passions.

What are my passions?

I love to read and write. I love to run. I love to talk to people and make them happy. I love to make fitness goals and accomplish them. What makes me depressed is the fact that I stopped doing what I love. I stopped doing everything that I know made me happy.

So, you big fucking loser. Am I just going to sit here and waste my fucking life away? Am I going to cry onto this keyboard like a little bitch? There’s a reason why you quit your job. There’s a fucking reason why you’re forcing yourself to take all the time you need to really look at yourself and fix this stupid problem of NOT doing all the things that you love doing.

You quit your job because you said FUCK WAITING. Fucking being patient with my dreams. FILL YOUR LIFE WITH THINGS THAT YOU LOVE. This pain that you feel right now is nothing more than the negative motivation that you need to HURL your sorry ass out of this incredible funk that you’ve been in.

YOU know that you’re fucking unstoppable when you’re happy. So do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. When you’re happy, everything goes well. Everything falls into place. Words drip out of your mind and through your fingertips. You create the best work when you’re happy.

Quitting your job was a step in the right fucking direction towards happiness. Leaving Snug was the best fucking thing you could have done to help you realize that. Leaving Village in such a short amount of time and so abruptly was your subconscious way of pushing you harder and harder to get this shit moving.

You have the time now. There is no excuse. Forget about the past as it was. The now is all that matters. Right now, you have the whole world in front of you. You have the ability to learn anything you need to gain success.

You need to focus on daily goals. You need to focus on developing habits to accomplish all daily goals. You need those daily goals to satisfy your weekly goals, and you need those weekly goals to determine the effectiveness of your months.

No more escaping. You need to budget your passions in a timely fashion. You need to create. ALWAYS BE CREATING. Document the frustrations as well as the accomplishments. Fuck our past, you can’t do anything about it.

Let it go. LET IT FUCKING GO.

You’ve made mistakes. You’ve taken risks, and they’ve failed. All those failed attempts have given you wisdom and insight as to how to approach things with a better sense for success. Apply that knowledge now. Make a fucking plan and execute. Execute harder than you’ve ever executed before. Be decisive. You have now, what you’ve never had before: the experience of failure in all the things you wanted to pursue, but more importantly, the knowledge of how you got failure.

USE THAT KNOWLEDGE TO ATTEMPT, AGAIN AND AGAIN, UNTIL YOU GET SUCCESS.

One step at a time. Direct your laser focus on one step at a time. Document it. Show how your steps add onto each other. Document it. Work hard as fuck man. You got this. You NEED THIS. If anything, if you fail again, you’ll fail and be buff as fuck. You’ll fail having written tens of thousands of words. You’ll fail having made hundreds of videos. You’ll fail having met hundreds of people. Failure is fine, why? Because failure will not take away the work that you’ve put into yourself. Failure does not expunge effort. Failure is the barrier that keeps the weak from progressing. Winners are winners because they’re amazing at failing over and over again until they win.

You could waste time crying about how much you’ve failed in life. Or you could shut the fuck up and try harder.

You got this bro.

ONE BOOK DOWN, THREE TO GO

My last two posts took just about 90 minutes each to design, write, and edit. Today, that time and mental effort aren’t readily available so fuck it.

It’s my blog. I do what I want.

I’m just about done with “Achieve” by Dr. Chris Friesen Ph.D. and my other three books just arrived today.

I’m going to dive into Tim Ferris’s “Tools of Titans” first because I think it’ll give me a much broader range of topics to cover in order to start planning my upcoming challenges, but I’m equally excited to dive into Michael Bungay Stanier’s books after thumbing through them for a few minutes.

Getting new books is always exciting.

I’ve always been a huge fan of audiobooks, but there’s something unique about holding the information that you’re about to consume in your hands. I wish I could have all the audiobooks that I’ve completed in their physical form to have a bookshelf of mental trophies, but that’ll have to wait until I start making some decent cash.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the format of my upcoming year of challenges. It might not be 12 back-to-back challenges as I had planned. It would be best to have a week of planning before each challenge and a week after to distil all the lessons that I accumulate throughout the month.

This means I’ll have two weeks between challenges to taper off and prepare for the next month-long evolution.

  • Each challenge will have a specific endpoint goal and a hypothesis on how to achieve that goal.
  • At the beginning of each month, I will develop a plan to execute and list all the tools that will be used for the challenge.
  • The challenge itself will be the actual test for my hypothesis.
  • I will collect data as best as I could throughout my experiment in order to measure my progress and manage my variables.
  • At the end of each month, I’ll gather and interpret that data to make a definitive conclusion for the results of my month-long experiment.

The overall goal is to make each challenge transparent and easily repeatable for anyone who may want to try it. My results and findings may help those who undertake similar challenges in the future to modify their experiments to reach better conclusions.

Anyway, that’s the fucking plan.

Now, I’m going to dive into this book and enjoy the rest of my evening.

 

THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE

Sometimes when I sit in front of my keyboard, without a single thought in my mind or anything important to write about, I think about this feeling and how it connects me to the greatest events in history.

That same feeling comes over me when I’m about to undertake some physical feat, like run five miles or swim 500 meters. No matter how brief or how long, there’s always that single moment of hesitation before every success or failure.

That moment–that spaceis the single most important moment in life.

  • Presidents have that moment before they announce significant events to the people.
  • Olympic gold medalists have that moment right before they compete in their events.
  • Snipers have that moment right before they pull the trigger.
  • Writers have that moment when they open up a blank word processing document.
  • Young men have that moment right before they talk to new women.

I could go on and on with the examples, but I’m sure that I’ve made my point.

The most important moment of your life happens to you every single time you’re about to undertake something of significance. Sure, some of those moments may mean more than others, but learning how to push yourself past that small barrier every single time it confronts you, will ultimately change your life.

Fear, cowardice, and regret all stem from succumbing to that brief moment of hesitation. Conversely, bravery, courage, and pride are all products of overcoming that same moment of hesitation.

To exploit this simple understanding, you need to be more mindful towards these moments. You need to understand the importance of what you may lose if you don’t pass this basic universal barrier. Then, you need to know that you truly don’t have anything to lose, because regardless of the outcome that you receive, you will always gain knowledge from experience.

Had I not pushed past that moment of hesitation, I wouldn’t have a girlfriend. I wouldn’t have this blog. I wouldn’t have been able to write this post.

If you ever want change in your life, if you ever want to grow and learn, if you ever want to become something that you’ve always dreamed of becoming, you need to understand the importance of that single moment of hesitation.

Look forward to those moments. Pay those moments the respect that they deserve. Live your life however you want to live it, but understand that fortune favors the bold, and wisdom is only awarded through failure.

BE SELFISH

If you want to be able to give anything of any worth back to the world, you need to be selfish.

Scour any social media platform, and you’ll find thousands of young men and women who are steadfast on their altruistic worldviews. It may seem like these people have great intentions for others, but most of them aren’t even able to help themselves.

It sounds counterintuitive, but it makes perfect sense.

If you genuinely what to help people, you need to spend incredible amounts of time developing your personal value before you can become a source of value for anyone else. There’s just no way you could lift anyone up if you aren’t even able to stand on your own two feet.

The impatient eagerness to make an impact on the world, accompanied by a heaping dose of naivety and inexperience, will do nothing but propagate an unauthentic mixture of regurgitated bullshit.

Never start speaking to others before you’ve found your voice. And even when you’ve found your voice, you need to make sure that you have something worth listening to.

The only way to do this is to undertake massive amounts of experience.

  • Undergoing new experiences and learning through success and failure is the only way you can objectively learn about yourself, grow, and develop into someone of legitimate value.

This blog is how I plan on doing that for myself.

I refuse to be the “idea collector” that can only give value by digesting and regurgitating the information that I consume (and did not create nor enrich). I want to become a source of new information and novel insight based on my personal experiences, all of which I will be documenting on this blog.

That doesn’t mean I won’t regularly be reading books, watching videos, or looking for mentors. It just means that the content I produce will first be rooted in my personal experience, and second, enriched by the information I consume.

As much as I want to bend over and help people now, I know I could help more people by spending this time becoming more rigid and strong for myself.

A bad day

Today is not mine.

I fucked up and slept late yesterday, even though I knew I had work early in the morning.  I didn’t realize how tired I was going to be after work and took a nap. That nap time took up all my writing time.

  • I don’t have time to properly care for my dog.
  • I don’t have time to sit down and come up with something fun to write about.
  • I don’t have time to rest.
  • Not only don’t I have the time, but my energy is completely drained.

I used to have a lot of time for myself to pursue my challenges, but not anymore. I really need to figure out how to manage my time to be happy while working full-time, properly care for my dog, being in a relationship, and pursuing my reading and writing goals.

It doesn’t look like it’s a lot when I write it out like that, but I haven’t had a day for myself in a long time. It slowly starting to build up within me that I really need a break from everything.

Being in a relationship takes up a lot of time.

I need to figure out how to make this work and still have time for me to do my shit. I just can’t catch a rhythm with myself to get things done. I’m constantly working on my relationship, that my dog, my goals, and my time to recover and rest are all suffering.

I need some fucking solitude.

The longer I hold it off, the more bitter I’m getting as a person. I don’t like this post because it’s so negative, but I have to write something for today. This is what comes out of me when I have 20 minutes to write some half-assed shit.

I don’t feel like I deserve to do fun things unless I know I’ve hustled enough for myself. But here I am again, spending my time doing things that feel good right now, but don’t lead towards moving myself away from this shitty job and terrible daily routine.

I’m the happiest guy in the world and lately, I just haven’t been so happy.

Can you tell? Haha fuck.

I could cry and complain about it all I want, but no one gives a shit. Tomorrow is another day, and even though that day has already been committed to someone else, I’ll have another chance at figuring this all out.

DECEMBER 2016 – 30 Day CHALLENGE #1

I will read one book a week and publish a maximum of 500 words per day

The four books for this month are:

  1. Achieve: Find Out Who You Are, What You Really Want, And How To Make It Happen
    -by Dr. Chris Friesen, Ph.D.
  2. The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever
    -by Michael Bungay Stanier
  3. Do More Great Work: Stop the Busywork. Start the Work That Matters.
    -by Michael Bungay Stanier
  4. Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers
    – by Tim Ferris

Writing every day isn’t going to be difficult, but keeping it under 500 words is. Having a word count limit will push me to keep things short, simple, and crispy.

The books that I’ve chosen this month have been selected to prime my mind with the upcoming year of challenges. Full disclosure, I’ve attempted this challenge before, but I always fall off the ball somewhere within the second week.

Not this time. 

The results that I will achieve by conquering this goal are as follows:

  • I will create a morning ritual in which I start my day off with my challenge.
  • With my writing, I will be able to convey my thoughts clearly and efficiently.
  • I will focus on “documenting” as my primary source of content as opposed to trying to create/develop some new concept every single time.
  • These four books will act as my guides for using this blog to self-develop myself into someone who is capable of undertaking 12 consecutive month-long challenges.
  • Writing daily will help me to figure out what exactly those challenges are.

The point of these challenges isn’t just to complete them, it’s to conquer THE FUCK out of them and show others that it’s possible to THRIVE through the struggles.

Why?

Because there’s a marked difference between coping and thriving–and I’ve been coping with life for far too long. The goal with this challenge, and any future challenge, is to take one step towards becoming the very best version of myself, 30 days at a time.

DON’T BE A COFFEE ASSHOLE

I’m taking this thing way too seriously.

Just one year ago, I was creating content at a rate of four legitimate posts a week, with one long-form project every 2-3 weeks. What the fuck happened to my passion for creating shit? Why has it been so difficult for me to sit down and pound away at my keyboard?

I remember long nights of spewing mental diarrhea onto my computer screen and just hammering at it over and over, churning those shitty collections of words into something just a little bit less shitty.

I’d buff out redundant sentences, meaningless modifiers and rework my prose so that my shit would shine just enough to see my stupid face grinning back at me.

Back then, during my dark Tumblr era, I wasn’t trying to prove shit to anyone.

I was writing for myself so that I could read it the next day and pat myself on the back. I was devouring insane amounts of content, which in turn, would fuel the furnaces of my creative mind to forge my naive thoughts into state-of-the-art opinions.

Writing and creating videos was my meditation.

It was never an obligation or a task that I had to accomplish. I never cared about having an audience. In fact, I was abhorrently opposed to the idea putting myself out there because I hated how most social media platforms would instantaneously change the high personal value that I had about my work, into shitty metrics of likes and views.

Because the success of a post on social media is defined by such shitty metrics, there’s absolutely no incentive for anyone to routinely post anything of depth and quality. My Facebook feed has been reduced to 15 second long videos overlaid with clickbait meme-like captions.

But, this is where my problem lays.

Writing gets you into your head. Writing has this way of distilling all the unrelated floating thoughts in your head into fully formed ideas and concepts. For me, I could get so caught up in striving for higher quality thoughts and reaching into the depths of my mind, that I end up alienating myself away from the rest of the world.

It’s like coffee.

You can love coffee and know just enough to avoid the really bad shit and get something decent. You know, like how most people are.

Or, you can be the coffee asshole who insists that everyone else has shitty taste because they don’t understand that the water must be heated to exactly 210F, poured onto freshly roasted African beans that have been grounded to uniform consistency with a $200 conical burr grinder, with perfected pour-over technique that achieves the least amount of tannins with the complete saturation of grounds.

There’s a balance between being relatable and being a passionate asshole.

There’s nothing wrong with being passionate and yearning for perfection, so long as you can still make room to understand the ways of those who aren’t.

I’ve got to put a focus back on having fun with my writing.

What’s the use of doing it all the time if it isn’t fun and interesting?