I was searching for inspiration for something to write today and I stumbled upon this little gem.
Below, you’ll find an entry from my private journal, and although the circumstances are slightly different now, the core ideas within it are as relevant as ever. I wrote this just after I quit a job that I left my original job for.
This post has reminded me of the therapeutic effect that writing has on me. Not only that, but I can see that my best stuff comes out when I’m writing without fear.
The number one cause of shitty writing is fear.
So many people, myself included, are too scared to write exactly how they feel because of the fear that what they create will be silently critiqued and judged. It takes a certain type of person to put out truly authentic emotions without regard, and not many people are willing to do this because being vulnerable has a way of making you feel weak.
Being vulnerable releases weak energy and frees your mind to begin the process of becoming strong. Being vulnerable takes courage and bravery–two characteristics that are the complete opposite of weakness.
Sharing this post is my first step towards creating more authentic work.
The passion and energy that I felt when re-reading this was real as fuck and I’m glad I took the time back then to capture the frustration and anger that I had.
This is unedited and raw, but I want to create more work like this in the future.
THE ONE THOUSAND WORD PEP TALK
Just do it. Just shut the fuck up and write.
Quit thinking about whether or not it’s going to be good. Quit worrying about style or spelling. Just sit here and write a thousand words.
What does it mean to be a man? Personally, I’m extremely dissatisfied with how my life has turned out right now. I feel like I’ve wasted the past 7 years of my life chasing dreams that never came to fruition.
It’s incredibly difficult for me to even sit down and write in the same caliber of what my writing used to be. To top it all off, I’ve found an amazing woman to be my girlfriend. She’s incredible beyond words. I could sit here and type ten thousand words about how much I love her, and it wouldn’t come close to how she makes me feel.
You know what’s terrible about that? It makes me feel unworthy of her. I’m sick and tired of “wishing” that I was well off and situated with a great plan on how to live my life, or how to become successful, or how to be a man worthy of the kind of love that she’s giving me.
I feel like she’s embarrassed by my lack of accomplishments. She probably isn’t, but if she is, I don’t blame her. I’ve done plenty of things in the past, and a ton of people have complimented me on my potential, but what do I have to show for it?
- With my fitness, everything has fallen off the ball. There goes three years of my life.
- With my writing, everything has fallen off the ball, there goes another three years of my life.
I’m so angry with myself that with every attempted endeavor, I’ve fallen short of fucking closing the deal. I’ve fallen short of gaining some kind of tangible result. When I did get some kind of tangible result, I’ve let it all fall off the fucking ball, and now I feel as if I’m left with nothing.
It’s depressing to write like this, or to expunge this type of negative prose, but fuck it. This is what’s on my mind, and I haven’t written shit for the past few months.
A lot of what I’ve been doing lately has been escaping. I quit my job yesterday because I noticed how I found myself escaping into it to make excuses for myself to not pursue my passions.
What are my passions?
I love to read and write. I love to run. I love to talk to people and make them happy. I love to make fitness goals and accomplish them. What makes me depressed is the fact that I stopped doing what I love. I stopped doing everything that I know made me happy.
So, you big fucking loser. Am I just going to sit here and waste my fucking life away? Am I going to cry onto this keyboard like a little bitch? There’s a reason why you quit your job. There’s a fucking reason why you’re forcing yourself to take all the time you need to really look at yourself and fix this stupid problem of NOT doing all the things that you love doing.
You quit your job because you said FUCK WAITING. Fucking being patient with my dreams. FILL YOUR LIFE WITH THINGS THAT YOU LOVE. This pain that you feel right now is nothing more than the negative motivation that you need to HURL your sorry ass out of this incredible funk that you’ve been in.
YOU know that you’re fucking unstoppable when you’re happy. So do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. When you’re happy, everything goes well. Everything falls into place. Words drip out of your mind and through your fingertips. You create the best work when you’re happy.
Quitting your job was a step in the right fucking direction towards happiness. Leaving Snug was the best fucking thing you could have done to help you realize that. Leaving Village in such a short amount of time and so abruptly was your subconscious way of pushing you harder and harder to get this shit moving.
You have the time now. There is no excuse. Forget about the past as it was. The now is all that matters. Right now, you have the whole world in front of you. You have the ability to learn anything you need to gain success.
You need to focus on daily goals. You need to focus on developing habits to accomplish all daily goals. You need those daily goals to satisfy your weekly goals, and you need those weekly goals to determine the effectiveness of your months.
No more escaping. You need to budget your passions in a timely fashion. You need to create. ALWAYS BE CREATING. Document the frustrations as well as the accomplishments. Fuck our past, you can’t do anything about it.
Let it go. LET IT FUCKING GO.
You’ve made mistakes. You’ve taken risks, and they’ve failed. All those failed attempts have given you wisdom and insight as to how to approach things with a better sense for success. Apply that knowledge now. Make a fucking plan and execute. Execute harder than you’ve ever executed before. Be decisive. You have now, what you’ve never had before: the experience of failure in all the things you wanted to pursue, but more importantly, the knowledge of how you got failure.
USE THAT KNOWLEDGE TO ATTEMPT, AGAIN AND AGAIN, UNTIL YOU GET SUCCESS.
One step at a time. Direct your laser focus on one step at a time. Document it. Show how your steps add onto each other. Document it. Work hard as fuck man. You got this. You NEED THIS. If anything, if you fail again, you’ll fail and be buff as fuck. You’ll fail having written tens of thousands of words. You’ll fail having made hundreds of videos. You’ll fail having met hundreds of people. Failure is fine, why? Because failure will not take away the work that you’ve put into yourself. Failure does not expunge effort. Failure is the barrier that keeps the weak from progressing. Winners are winners because they’re amazing at failing over and over again until they win.
You could waste time crying about how much you’ve failed in life. Or you could shut the fuck up and try harder.
You got this bro.